Lost and Found
by Elektra1
Summary: The Slayer is back... but Buffy didn't return with her.
1. Chapter One

LOST AND FOUND   
Chapter 1

SOMEWHERE 

She slowly opened her eyes. Everything was covered in mist. Grey. Shapeless. 

She was surrounded by nothingness. 

It was so beautiful! She could rest. Her mission was over. She belonged here. 

Buffy was at peace... 

***

THE SUMMERS' HOUSE 

Spike woke up with a start as a high-pitched scream filled the air. The pounding in his head left him temporarily confused. Where was he? Who was screaming? Did he actually finish that entire bottle of bourbon last night? He closed his eyes and tried to clear the alcohol-induced fog in his brain. 

Another ear-piercing scream brought him to his senses as the answers to his questions came to him. He was in the Summer's home. Dawn was screaming. And yes, he _had_ finished the entire bottle of bourbon last night. 

_Wait..._

Dawn was screaming?! 

Spike jumped off the couch, leapt up the stairs, and ran into Dawn's room. 

"What's wrong?!" he asked with urgency. He could see through the darkness Dawn hugging her sheets tightly, face pale and scared as she stared at the closet. 

"In there!" Dawn replied, "It's in there!" 

Spike relaxed and sighed as he went to the closet and turned the knob. 

"Aren't you a little too old to believe in closet monsters, platelet?" He asked, then screamed as something jumped out and pinned him to the wall, "BLOODY HELL!" he exclaimed as he tried to push the thing off him, "The lights, 'bit! Get the sodding lights!" 

Dawn immediately jumped out of bed and flipped the light switch. The thing that had pinned the blonde vampire to the wall quickly let go and covered its eyes. 

No. _Her_ eyes. Spike saw the closet monster was female… and blonde… and... 

"Buffy!" he gasped, not quite believing what stood before him. 

The closet monster brought her hands back to her sides and stared at Spike, her intentions hostile. Spike furrowed his brow. 

"Buffy?" Spike repeated, confused. 

Buffy's eyes looked downright vicious, as if barely containing a dark primal instinct. He had seen that look before, but only from his own kind... before a killing. 

Spike's elation quickly turned to apprehension. He slowly backed away, tensing his body as if waiting for an enemy to strike. 

"Buffy?!" Dawn shouted happily, either not noticing what Spike had, or not wanting to. Without hesitation, the 15 year old ran to her sister and threw her arms around her, "Buffy! I've missed you so much!" she cried. 

Buffy shoved Dawn away roughly, a hiss escaping her lips as she put her hands in front of her, readying for an attack. 

"Buffy?" Dawn spoke quietly, "It's me! It's Dawny!" Dawn started forward again, but a cold hand clamped down on her shoulder tightly, halting her. 

"That's not Buffy, nibblet…" Spike carefully pulled Dawn away from the thing that was her big sister. 

"Yes it is!" Dawn cried, "Look! It's Buffy! It's Buffy, Spike… it…" but her voice faltered as she caught Buffy's eyes. Something was wrong. Something was... _off._

Buffy's body stood before them, but _Buffy _wasn't inside. 

"Enemy!" The thing that was Buffy spoke, her eyes never leaving Spike. She quickly grabbed the wooden table in the middle of Dawn's room and broke the leg off, holding the sharp end towards Spike, "Vampire! Slay!" 

"Right, pet... you're a vampire slayer, and I'm sure there are plenty in the graveyard waiting for a nice stake through the heart," Spike began, putting his arms protectively over his chest, "But we don't stake Vampires that have been taking care of little Sis..." 

Buffy screamed, and leapt at Spike, holding her makeshift stake high. Spike quickly jumped out of the way, and the stake ended up buried in the wall. 

"BUFFY! DON'T!" Dawn shouted. Suprisingly, Buffy halted. Dawn looked at her sister pleadingly, "Please. He's been taking care of me, just like you asked! He's been really good!" 

"You have to get through to her somehow!" Spike shouted desperately as Buffy pulled the stake out of the wall, setting her sights on him once again. 

"I... I'm trying!" Dawn replied. 

"Well try harder, else you'll have a nice, dusty pile-o'-Spike in the middle of your room!" he put his hands up defensively, turning his attention back to the slayer, "Now pet... put the stake down..." Buffy ignored Spike and Dawn's pleas, and thrust the stake into the English vampire, just barely missing his unbeating heart, "BLOODY HELL!" He doubled over, trying to pull the stake free. With a painful scream, he tossed it on the floor. Buffy didn't give him a moment to recover as she advanced on him. 

In desperation, Spike swept his leg out and knocked Buffy's feet from under her, sending the slayer crashing to the ground. Buffy quickly picked the stake up off the floor and tackled him. 

"NO!" Dawn grabbed Buffy's arm from behind just as the blonde was getting ready to thrust the stake into Spike's chest again. Dawn barely managed to pull Buffy off, but it gave Spike enough time to slide out from under her and jump to his feet. 

Buffy pulled away from Dawn and ran at Spike once more. All he could do was block her blows, trying not to kiss the ground. Buffy was almost unrecognizable now, her eyes that of a wild animal. 

"Will you bloody stop!" he shouted, "It's your old friend, Spike!" Buffy increased her attack. Spike dodged the stake once again, wincing with every movement. The petite blonde before him was like a feral animal, her usually beautiful face distorted by a snarl, "Ok, ok! I know you don't exactly consider me a friend... but I thought the whole _helping you save the world_ bit would at least grant me a reprieve in the Slayer books!" 

"STOP IT!" Dawn screamed, and threw herself at Buffy. Buffy grabbed Dawn by the hair and tossed the 15 year old half-way across the room. 

"NOTHING!" Buffy hissed as she glared at a hurting Dawn, "NOTHING THERE!" 

Without thinking , Spike hit Buffy with a punch that not only made a Buffy-sized hole in the wall, but knocked the slayer out cold. 

Whatever this thing was, it had hurt the nibblet! He had promised Buffy... the REAL Buffy... that he would protect her sister until the end of the world. 

Even if that meant protecting Dawn against Buffy herself... 

Spike waited for the pain. He waited for the violent headache... but recieved _nothing_. 

The experimemental chip that had been forcefully injected into Spike's head was still active. He could feel the electricity tingling at the back of his skull. The only other reason he would be spared a headache would be if... 

"She's not human!" Spike gasped as he helped Dawn to her feet, eyes never leaving Buffy's unmoving form. 

"What?" Dawn asked as she rubbed her sore head, "But... how's that possible?!" 

"I don't know, 'bit. Best call the gang and find out what's going on here..." 

***

SOMEWHERE 

_Accept me. Join with me. We must be one..._

Buffy heard the voice in her head. But yet it wasn't just in her head. It was all around her. All around the nothingness. 

_They need you..._

__

"Go away... go away go away..." Buffy said to herself. 

_Do not reject me..._

__

"Leave me alone! Let me rest!" 

_The Slayer is not allowed to rest..._

***

THE SUMMERS' HOUSE 

"I don't understand," Rupert Giles said as he stared at Buffy. The blonde was currently lying unconscious on Dawn's bed. 

"Tie her up tight, Red..." A freshly bandaged Spike commanded as Willow wrapped a rope around the prone slayer, "Don't want her trying to stake me again..." 

"I do," Xander replied, "Oh please loosen the ropes!" 

The vampire slipped his t-shirt carefully over the gauze on his chest and offered Xander a look that could kill. 

"You know, if I didn't have this bloody chip in my head---" Spike started. 

"Buffy would have staked you long ago," Xander interrupted. 

"Enough Xander. Spike. Now's not the time," Giles spoke, "Dawn, what happened here, exactly?" 

"I ... I don't know, Mr. Giles. She just sort of... attacked. First she went after Spike. Then she threw me across the room when I tried to help him," Dawn explained, the memory hurting as much as her head. She didn't repeat what Buffy had called her. _Nothing_. It was bad enough hearing it from psychos, it hurt a hundred times more to hear it from her big sister. 

"She must have instinctively known what Spike was," Giles said. 

"Or maybe she knew WHO he was. I mean, Buffy's never really liked Spike," Xander pointed out. 

"Xander... please!" Giles started, "Whatever else Buffy feels for Spike, she would not outright attack him like this," the Watcher paused, "Well, not _recently_ anyway," 

"Not exactly feeling the love in here," Spike muttered dryly, then turned to Giles. "So, Rupes. What do you make of all this?" 

"Call me _Rupes_ again and I'll stake you myself!" Giles replied, "And I don't know what to make of it." 

Spike sighed and went to stand beside Dawn, probably the only person in the room who considered him a friend. 

"Ugh... nasty bruise!" Anya spoke up as she inspected Buffy's face, "Think it hurts?" 

Spike covered a cough and looked away. Xander noticed. 

"Oh, of course. Nothing like showing a woman you love her by giving her a big honking BRUISE!" Xander snapped. 

"HEY! I was protecting nibblet!!" "He was protecting me!" Spike and Dawn replied together. 

"Never mind that now!" Giles snapped, "I'm sure Buffy will overlook that considering the circumstances!" his voice grew quiet, "Provided we find a way to bring her back to her senses..." 

"Guess I should mention I felt no pain when I hit her," Spike started, then immediately sensed fear in the room from everyone except Dawn. He looked at the rest of the gang, and frowned, "It's still working!" he snapped, "I can feel the bloody electricity! What I meant is the only way I WOULDN'T feel pain is if she wasn't human!" 

"But it's Buffy!" Willow exclaimed, "Buffy's a DEMON?" 

"She can't be a demon! No Buffy demon! No way!" Xander insisted emphatically. 

"Calm down, everyone! It's impossible for Buffy to be a demon," Giles started, but even he couldn't explain it. 

"She's not a demon, " the normally quiet Tara stated matter-of-factly, "It's something else. Something older. Something... primal,"

"Well, whatever it was, it knew instinctively how to get to home," Anya pointed out. 

Buffy began to stir. Spike quickly tensed. He didn't want to hurt her again, even if it wasn't really Buffy who was currently trying to lunge at him. Spike was grateful the rope still held. 

"Wow... she really _doesn't_ like Spike," Willow said. 

"So what else is new?" Spike muttered, not allowing the gang to see how much it bothered him. Dawn looked up at the blonde vampire, not fooled by his words. She knew, and understood. She was probably the only one who did. 

Giles knelt beside the bed, face to face with Buffy. 

"Who are you? What have you done with Buffy...!" 

"The Slayer does not walk in this world..." Buffy replied. 

"Slayer?" Giles furrowed his brow, "Are you the Slayer? The first one?" 

"No first. No second. Only _one_..." Buffy replied, "I am The Slayer!" 

"And Buffy?" Spike asked. 

"Not here..." Buffy replied, "Lost." 

"All slayer, no human... no... _SOUL_..." Spike realized, then raised an eyebrow, "Sounds familiar," 

"That's impossible!" Willow started. 

"No..." Giles spoke, "No it's not. It... it could be the spirit of the slayer without the human to tame it. All instinct. No control. Buffy may..." he stopped, not wanting to say it but knowing it had to be said, "Buffy may indeed be dead." 

Everyone was silent, trying to digest Giles' words. They didn't want to believe Buffy was truly dead. Not when she was right in front of them. When she was so close! 

A primal scream broke through the silence as Buffy freed herself from the ropes. 

"Please don't make me hurt you again, pet!" Spike started as Buffy immediately advanced on him. She wasn't listening. Spike quickly dodged what could have been a vicious punch and attempted a weak roundhouse that Buffy easily ducked. The slayer grabbed Spike by the throat and flung him against the opposite wall. He took a moment to shake the cobwebs out of his head, then jumped back to his feet, "I won't bloody fight you!" 

Buffy didn't seem to care. Giles, Xander, Tara, Willow, and Anya jumped in front of Spike, trying to contain the violent slayer. 

"Stop it, Buffy! Come to your senses!" Giles pleaded. 

"You can't stake Spike!" Xander paused, "And I can't believe I just said that!" 

"DON'T INTERFERE!" Buffy hissed, and advanced on her friends_._

__

"THICKEN!"Willow shouted as she held a palm out towards Buffy. The slayer was hit by an invisible barrier, blocking her off from the gang and the injured vampire. 

Buffy put her hands against the invisible energy, confused as to what it was. She punched at the air, but the transparent baricade only rippled slightly. 

"How long will it hold, Red?" Spike asked. 

"Not long. She'll break through in a few minutes," she looked at Spike hopelessly, "I don't know what else to do!" 

"If we could only contact her. Find out if she's even in there!" Giles spoke. 

"I found her before... when she was all coma-ish... but I don't know if I can do it again!" Willow replied. 

"She's not in there!" Tara started, "She's lost." 

"Then if she's lost, we bloody well better find her!" Spike snapped. 

"I... I don't know if we can!" Tara explained, "If she's lost in limbo, or the astral plane or somewhere, we may never be able to find her!" 

"I know a few meditation spells that could give us access to the astral plane. We have to try!" Willow said. 

"No... it's too dangerous!" Tara brushed a strand of hair off Willow's face, her voice quiet and comforting, "WE could get lost too!" 

"Anchors!" Anya spoke up, "We need anchors. I remember reading something about anchors. You can go to the astral plane, but you need an anchor to pull you back." She looked at Buffy, the barrier slowing shimmering in and out before her, "But... _she_ needs to be out cold in order to get the real Buffy back. If _she's_ conscious, then Buffy has no vessel to go in to!" 

"And... where does _she_ go when Buffy returns?" Giles asked. 

"Um... I never got that far," Anya replied sheepishly, "That's when D'Hoffryn came and offered me the whole Vengence Demon thing," 

"Maybe she'll go back where she belongs?" Tara offered, "At least, that's what would make the most sense," 

"But we can't be sure! For all we know, it could send this slayer into a demon, or something equally worse!" Giles said. 

"Can't be sure of anything in this world, Rupes. If we have a chance to get Buffy back, then I say we should risk it," Spike spoke. 

"_Your _vote doesn't count. You don't care about consequences!" Xander snapped. 

"I care about BUFFY!" Spike snapped back, "But do YOU?" 

"Don't you DARE!' Xander grew angry, "I've known Buffy for six years! She's the closest thing I have to a sister! How dare you even IMPLY that I don't care about her?!" 

"Then what will you risk, bricklayer?" Spike asked smugly, "What will you risk to bring her back?" Xander opened his mouth to reply, but reluctantly had to admit Spike was right. He would risk everything to save Buffy, the Slayer spirit be damned. 

"Fine," Xander said quietly, "I'll risk it," 

"Are we all in agreement then?" Giles asked, looking around the room. Everyone nodded. "Very well..." he took off his glasses and put them in his pocket, his voice quiet, "Drop the barrier, Will," Willow hesitated for a moment, unsure. Giles stared at her, all business, "Do it, Willow!" Willow took a deep breath, and did as he asked. Before the Slayer had a chance to revel in her freedom, Giles struck her hard, knocking her unconscious once again. With an eerie calm, he wiped his glasses with a handkerchief and put them back on, "Let's find Buffy..." 

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter Two

LOST AND FOUND   
Chapter 2

SOMEWHERE 

_Do not reject me..._

__

"Please," Buffy begged the voice, "Leave me alone! I want to stay here! Let me rest!" 

_We cannot rest._ _We cannot stay._

__

We must return. 

***

THE MAGIC BOX 

"Who's going and who's staying?" Giles asked. 

"Tara will do the spell here, and I'll do the spell from the other side when we find Buffy," Willow said, then smiled gently at Tara, "You'll be my anchor, like you always are," 

"How disgustingly cute. Makes me want to heave," Spike muttered as he eyed Willow and Tara, "Just so you know, I'm going too," 

"Oh no you're not!" Xander jumped in, "No way! You're the last _thing_ Buffy wants to find her! I'LL go!" 

"As much as I dislike the idea of Spike going myself," Giles began calmly, "There's no telling what they're going to find over there. He probably has the best chance of defeating whatever it may be. You'll be his anchor, Xander," 

"Can I cut the rope?" Xander asked. 

"Xander!" Anya exclaimed. 

"Well why do _I_ have to be evil dead's anchor?" Xander asked. Anya rubbed his back gently. Xander sighed, "Fine. I'll make sure he doesn't get stuck in never never land!" 

"Well, thank you very much!" Spike replied sarcastically. 

"Hey! Don't you get all snotty with me, Mister!" Xander looked at Anya, "He's getting snotty with me!" 

"Shhhh… it's ok honey. Your so much snottier then him anyway..." the ex-demon said, trying to calm her fiancé. Xander looked at Anya and furrowed his brow, not sure whether she had insulted him or complimented him. 

"Big baby," Spike muttered, "Go crying to your woman..." 

"Can I go too, Mr. Giles?" Dawn said before Xander could reply to Spike's comment. 

"I don't know, Dawn," Giles started, "It might be too risky. We don't know what state of mind Buffy will be in if we DO find her," 

"But it's _Buffy_. I mean, if she's scared or confused, I might be the one able to calm her down. She'll _know_ me," Dawn said, "Please Mr. Giles?" her voice grew quiet, "She's my sister." 

Giles was reluctant, but realized Dawn had a point. 

"Very well," Giles looked at Spike, and Spike nodded. The Watcher didn't have to ask. He knew the vampire would protect Dawn at all costs. It was Buffy's only request of him before she had died, "Anya, you'll be Dawn's anchor," he looked at the unconscious slayer lying on the reading couch at The Magic Box, "And I'll be hers, should she need it," 

"Sit in a circle, legs crossed," Willow instructed Dawn and Spike, "We have to link hands and close the circle," the three did so. "Are you guys ready?" she asked. Dawn and Spike nodded, "Close your eyes, and concentrate on Tara's voice and words," 

Tara began reading from the book in her hands. The travelers did as they were told, and soon, had entered a state of deep sleep. 

***

SOMEWHERE 

"Dawny?" Willow called out, "Dawny, where are you?" Willow was on her bed in the dorm room her and Tara shared. The only light in the room was the moonlight shining through the window. Willow stood up, "How'd I get here?" 

"Willow?" Someone came forth from the shadows. Someone who looked like a vampire version of herself. A lump of fear formed in Willow's throat. 

"Y-you…! You're supposed to be dead, or in another dimension, or wherever you came from! We got rid of you!" The memories of her vampire double flooded Willow's mind. The double had entered her world, and nothing good had come of it. 

"I came back. Got bored," the vampire Willow replied in her calm, child-like voice, "No one to play with," she pouted. 

"Well... uh… you should go back. I mean... you can go read a book or something! Those are fun… uh--" 

"Bored of you now," Vampire Willow interrupted, and began advancing on her human self. 

"Tara?! TARA!" Willow cried out, hoping the fair-haired Witch would pull her back, "Now would be a good time to do the anchor thing!" 

"Tara," Vampire Willow smiled coldly, "I like Tara. Pretty Tara." 

"You stay away from Tara!" Willow warned, her fear giving way to anger. 

"I want to play with Tara," Vampire Willow replied. 

"No! No playing with Tara! Just... STAY AWAY!" Willow held a palm towards the vampire Willow, but her _Thicken _spell didn't work, "Oh... no!" 

"Tara doesn't like you. You're boring," Vampire Willow said, "Junior High boring," 

"Junior High?" Willow looked at herself. Her hair was long and straight instead of the short cut she had adopted. And her clothing consisted of a brown jumper and white shirt. 

"Not again... please... not again...." Willow closed her eyes, "This isn't me. This is junior high. I'm not like this. Not anymore!" Willow opened her eyes again, and saw Tara beside her vampire double. Her eyes went wide, "Honey?" 

"I don't think I like you anymore," Tara spoke, then put an arm around vampire Willow, "_She's_ more interesting," 

"No. Tara, no! You can't! You," Willow's voice trailed off, "I love you," she whispered, "You can't leave me," 

"Witchy will leave you," the Vampire Willow said. 

"No!" Willow shouted. After everything her and Tara had been through, how long would it take her to go on if Tara decided to leave? She didn't know. Willow looked at her girlfriend, "You wouldn't leave me, would you?" 

"You're not the same anymore," Tara said, "You scare me," 

"Scare you? How? My magiks? But why? I can control it. I'm stronger then I used to be," the red-headed witch pleaded. 

"You're dangerous," Tara insisted. 

"No. I'm not!" Willow started, "I'd never hurt anyone! You know that. Please don't be scared. Don't leave me! Please..." Tara turned her back on Willow, walking away hand in hand with the vampire doppleganger, "TARA!" Willow cried, tears flowing freely, "COME BACK! COME BACK! PLEASE!" Willow slid to her knees, and sobbed, "Please... come back..." 

"Red? Red! Get up!" a voice was calling to her. She refused to answer. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Only Tara mattered. And Tara was gone. 

"Leave me alone," Willow whispered. 

"Can't do that, Red. We need to find Buffy, and get out of this bloody place!" 

"She left me," Willow spoke, her mind in a daze, "Tara left me!" 

"Tara didn't leave. She's on the other side, waiting for you. GET UP!" Willow still didn't comply, "I said GET UP, you silly bint!" Spike grabbed Willow and pulled her to her feet, "Look, your witchy girlfriend is waiting for us to get Buffy back! Now MOVE!" 

"Spike..." Willow started, then looked around. There was no sign of Tara nor Willow's Vampire double. In fact, there was no sign of the horrible Junior High jumper she had been wearing, nor the dorm room either. 

Willow was outside. At night. 

"It wasn't real!" she gasped, then smiled, relieved, "It wasn't real!" 

"Not much is real here, I gather," 

"BUFFY!" Willow said, "We have to find her!" 

"I just SAID that!" Spike snapped, then threw his hands up hopelessly, "What is it with you scoobies? NONE of you listen to me! A bloody prejudice against Vampires is what it is!" 

"I'm sorry," Willow replied sheepishly, "I was kind of preoccupied ..." 

"Right then. First we find nibblet, then Buffy. Can't very well tell Buffy we lost her sister somewhere on the astral plane, now can we?!" 

***

SOMEWHERE ELSE 

"Buffy? Spike? Willow?" Dawn called out to the emptiness. The mist surrounding her slowly began to dissipate, and she saw where she was standing. 

Dawn grabbed onto the nearest metal beam she could find, her face pale as fear bubbled up inside her. She was here again. On the scaffolding of the tower where she was almost sacrificed. 

Where Buffy died. 

"No..." she gasped, shaking her head violently, "No no no no no no!!" Dawn looked down at herself. The dress. It was the same dress she had been wearing that night. The ceremonial dress a psychotic goddess had _forced_ her to wear! 

"Welcome back, dear..." 

Dawn's eyes went wide as she saw the old man standing before her. His eyes were black, his lizard-like tail trailing behind him. 

"Doc...!" Dawn backed away slowly, "GO AWAY!" She shouted, her face a mask of fear. Doc simply smiled, a cold smile that sent shivers down Dawn's spine. She could never forget the face that haunted her nightmares. 

"What are you so scared of, my dear?" he asked, "Is it me?" Doc's voice grew quiet, "The real person you should be afraid of is YOURSELF." 

"Myself? Why would I be afraid of myself?!" Dawn asked nervously. 

"You're afraid that there's nothing within you. That you're an empty shell... but really, there IS something in your small little body. Something much more worthy of your fear then myself. Inside you is a power like this world has never known. A dangerous power. A power that will consume you," 

"What's inside me...? Is this about being The Key?" Dawn asked, her voice barely above a whisper, "Please... tell me! Am I good? Bad? What is it! What am I? What will happen to me?" 

"Let's find out, shall we?" Doc stepped forward, and held up a dagger. She remembered that dagger. He had sliced her open with it once before. She could still feel the phantom blade burning through her flesh. 

Dawn tried to back away again, but she was at the end of the support beam that held her. There was no where to go but down. 

The way Buffy had gone. 

There was a loud crackle of electricity behind her, and she felt static lift the hair on her arms and the back of her neck. She turned around slowly, and saw the large white vortex waiting for her. 

"Jump in, and you'll find out everything," Doc said. 

Dawn was frozen as memories of Buffy's death came back to her. _It should have been me in the first place! It should have been ME!_

__

Dawn slowly took a step forward, her bare foot dangling in the air, ready to take the plunge. Before her other foot left the platform, someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her to safety. 

"That would have been messy, nibblet..." 

"Spike!" Dawn turned to face the vampire who had pulled her back from the edge of the tower. Her clothing was now back to normal, and she immediately collapsed into sobs. Spike took a step back, not quite sure what to do with the bawling teenager. 

"Well... you're welcome then..." Spike said as he ran a hand through his short-cropped hair, then turned towards Willow, "Red? Wanna help me out here? This whole crying thing isn't something I know much about, " 

Willow quickly took the hint and ran to the youngest Summers girl, putting her arms around the sobbing brunette. Spike walked a few feet away, relieved he didn't have to play the 'moral support' role. Not that he would have been any good at that anyway. His idea of moral support was shaking the person until they stopped crying. 

"Dawny?" Willow started softly, "Dawny, honey, don't cry. It's ok. What happened, sweetie?" 

Dawn told Willow of her experience, and Willow shared her own. 

Spike leaned against a support beam and waited impatiently as the girls talked and offered each other girly emotional support. He briefly wondered if cigarettes existed in the astral plane. He could use one right about now. 

"Alright," he started, "Enough chit-chat ladies. We've a search to complete," Spike waited for a reply, but received none. He straightened up, "Girls?" he called out, "Hey!" Spike exclaimed when he noticed the support beam he had been leaning against was now a large tree. He turned to where Dawn and Willow had been, only to find they were gone. 

Spike was alone. 

***

Spike stepped away from the tree and looked around, wondering how he had ended up in a graveyard. It appeared almost surreal. A thick fog covered the ground, and the brightness of the full moon barely peeked through the clouds. The air was still and heavy. Not even a breeze. The silence was almost deafening. He felt like he was in a soundproof booth, or underwater. 

"Where did the sodding horror movie set come from?" he asked no one in particular, then began to walk around the graves, searching for his travelling companions, "Nibblet?" he called out, "Red?!" 

"They're not here, William," a voice spoke. Spike froze. He recognized the voice, and knew the only male who would dare use that name. 

"Angelus..." Spike turned to come face to face with the one vampire who he hated more then any other creature on Earth, living or otherwise, "Or is it Angel?" 

"Angel?" Angelus laughed a harsh laugh, "No angels in hell, William." 

"So this is hell then? It's a little cooler then I imagined," Spike replied, "Where's all the fire and brimstone? I'm feeling ripped off here..."

"This isn't THE Hell, William, but YOUR hell. Besides, hell doesn't look like _any_ place you could have imagined in your sick, twisted mind. I've been there. Boring place, really. With a lot of ugly demon women," Angelus cocked his head, "Speaking of which, it seems poor William has allowed another woman to get him in trouble again. Really, Billy, you need to stop reaching for the unattainable!" 

"And YOU'RE here because…?" Spike asked, bored with Angelus's talk. 

"Am I really here?" Angelus asked, "Or am I in your head?" 

"Don't give me riddles, you bloody pouf!" 

"All isn't as it seems, William..." 

"Riiiight. Well, love to stay and chat, but I have me a lady to find. Now if you don't mind," Spike started walking away. Angelus began to laugh. Spike stopped, and turned to him, "What is so bloody funny?!" 

"You! Going off like some hero!" Angelus replied, "Face it, William, you'll never be a hero. You'll never be anything but a monster, " Angelus smiled coldly, "You are nothing to her, William. You are beneath her!" 

"Shut up!" Spike growled as Angelus's words cut deep. 

"Oh, did I hit a sore spot, William?" 

"It's SPIKE," 

"I had a dog named Spike once..." Angelus replied, "Oh wait, it was you," his voice grew serious, "There is no Spike. You're _William_. You'll always be William. William the bloody awful poet. William the weak. William the insecure. William the loveless," Angelus laughed again, "Look at yourself! Go on... look!" 

Spike looked down to see his black boots were now brown loafers, his black jeans now tweed pants, and his leather duster and t-shirt had been replaced with a vest and suit jacket. Spike put a hand up to his face. He felt the crooked wire-rimmed glasses, and the tangled nest of William's unkempt hair. 

"No!" Spike started, "William is dead! He is surely DEAD!" Spike clamped a hand over his mouth, not liking the sound coming out of it -- a nasal voice with a stuffy high-society English accent instead of the deeper tones and light cocky accent he had long ago developed. 

"William, William, William," Angelus sighed as he put a hand on Spike's shoulder, "Poor delusional William, trying so hard to be the _big bad_ all these years! There was only ONE big bad, William. That was ME!" he smiled, "I had what you always wanted. The looks, the power," he paused, "The women... even yours, William. Do you think Drusilla loved you as much as you loved _her_?" 

"We were together for over 100 years!" Spike replied. The annoying voice he had hated so much was now wavering with fear. 

"I had her first, William," Angelus replied, "And you only got her when I was cursed with a soul and left her to you! But what happened when I lost my cursed soul four years ago? Do you remember, William? Tell me -- Who did Dru run to? Who did she spend her nights with? It wasn't you," Angelus smirked, "But then, you weren't exactly up to the task, were you? What with the paralysis and all," Spike closed his eyes as he remembered the bitter few months he had spent wheelchair bound. Angelus had taken full advantage of Dru, and Dru had enjoyed every minute of it. Even after Spike had regained full use of his legs and Angel had regained his lost soul, Dru had left Spike for a Chaos Demon . 

Angelus quickly punched Spike in the stomach. He doubled over, eyes watering. Angelus found it incredibly amusing. 

"You are as weak now as you were then," Angelus said, "Tell me now... how many women have rejected you, William? Let's see..." he began to count on his fingers, "First there was Cecily, and that was when you were HUMAN. Second was Dru because you weren't enough monster for her, and third -- Buffy because you're _too much_ monster. It seems you just can't win." 

"Stop!" Spike shouted, "Hush now, I beg of you! Leave me be," Spike fell to his knees, his voice still that of William's. He hated it. "Please... just leave me be," Angelus' laughter echoed harshly in his ears. Spike tried to block it out, but to no avail. 

"You will always be an outcast, William, no matter how much you try to fit in. When you were human, you were the joke of the high-class society you had tried so desperately to be a part of. When Dru, Darla, and Myself brought you into our group, you kept trying to prove yourself. But you never did, did you William?" he grabbed Spike's hair and wrenched his head back, "_Nothing _you did ever impressed us!" 

"After I killed that Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion, you said I was one of you!" Spike replied in William's weak voice. 

"Ah yes, 1901. I remember. I had been cursed with a soul by then. Sympathy was one of the side effects of that soul. My soul felt sorry for you, William. It also felt disgust at your actions. My demon still wasn't impressed. We let you stay with us for one reason -- having a slayer killer made our lives a bit easier. That was it." 

"No! I was one of you! I was!" Spike whispered. 

"You were NEVER one of us!" Angelus snapped, then stepped away from Spike, "And you'll never be one of THEM. They will _never_ accept you! Neither Anya, Tara, Willow, Xander, Giles, nor Dawn will EVER accept you! Least of all Buffy!" 

"You're wrong about one thing!" Spike shouted, "DAWN has accepted me. If no one else, then the child!" 

"Are you sure of that, William?" Angelus asked condescendingly, "Are you really sure?" 

"You keep trying to play on my insecurities, mate. Worked for a bit... but no more!" he shouted, his voice growing stronger, beginning to sound more as it should, "NOW SOD OFF!" Spike lunged at Angelus.... and found himself on the ground, "What the hell?" Spike jumped to his feet, but Angelus was gone. 

The blonde vampire looked down at himself. His jeans and boots had returned, as had his Duster and t-shirt. His felt his face to find the glasses gone, and his hair once again the messy, short-cropped style he was used to. 

"Come back here, you bastard!" Spike hissed, baring his fangs as his allowed his violent impulses to take over, "Come back so I can tear your bloody throat out with my bare hands!" 

"Spike?" 

Spike stiffined. He quickly calmed himself and put on his human face, then slowly turned towards the voice that called to him. 

"Buffy…"   


TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter Three

PRIMAL INSTINCTS 

LOST AND FOUND   
Chapter 3

"Buffy..." 

"No. You're not here…" Buffy spoke to the blonde vampire before her, "You can't be here. I'm resting. Please go away," 

"Can't do that, pet. Come now. We have to find Red and your sis," Spike began to walk, then noticed Buffy wasn't following, "Buffy?" 

"I'm resting," she repeated, her voice holding no emotion, "I'm not going back. It's over. Another will rise," Spike was confused for a moment, then realized what she was referring to. 

"Another won't rise as long as Faith is still alive. But Miss Psycho-Slayer is in jail for killing _humans_ instead of _demons_. You're the only one left. You need to come back," Spike paused and shook his head, "I can't believe a Vampire is begging for the return of a Slayer!" he muttered. 

"Leave me ALONE, Spike! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" Buffy slumped to the ground, holding her head in her hands, "My mission is over. Let me be at peace," she looked at the mist before her, her eyes taking on a faraway look, "I can rest now. I saved them. This is my reward - to sleep. To forget the pain," she focused on Spike, "Please, if there's ever one thing you do for me, then let it be this. Let me rest in peace," 

"Can't do that. Promised nibblet we'd get you back. She needs you," 

"And what about what _I_ need?!" Buffy snapped, "Doesn't anybody care what _I_   
need?! I need to rest!" 

"You will rest… when you're old and gray with twenty 'bitty Buffy's running   
around! You will fall asleep one night, and never wake up," Spike replied, but Buffy wasn't listening. 

"You were right," she said with a small laugh, "You said that every Slayer has a death wish. My wish came true. Don't take it away from me," 

"Right. Every slayer has a death wish... IF they don't have family and friends to hold them to the living world! I believe I said something like that too," 

"_You_ can protect Dawn," Buffy replied. "She doesn't need me when she has you," 

"She needs a SISTER!" Spike snapped angrily, "The 'bit lost her mother a few months ago. Not exactly fair to lose her sister too, now is it?!" 

"If you cared about me, you would leave me here," 

"Don't start that with me, Summers!" Spike hissed angrily. 

"How could you understand what I'm going through!" Buffy shouted, "How could you POSSIBLY understand?!" 

"I bloody well DO understand!" Spike started as he sat beside her, "I was dead once too, you know. I was at peace. I thought it was over. The pain was gone. Time to rest. But then after Dru killed me, she yanked me back. Back into a dead, souless body," 

"I'll be a monster if I go back," Buffy stared at him, and for the first time since he had known her, he saw fear in her eyes. Fear of becoming one of the creatures she had been fighting all these years, "Can't you understand that? I don't _want _to be a monster!" 

_I don't want to be like_ _you_ is what Spike knew she meant. 

"Lacking a soul is what makes me a monster, pet," Spike explained, "When _I_ came back, my soul stayed dead. I let instinct take over. Spilled blood of the innocent and all. But you," he looked at Buffy, "_You're _lucky! You'll never be a monster because you'll still HAVE your soul. Not only that, but your sis, the scoobs, hell even the bloody watcher -- They'llhelp you. I had NO ONE to help ME! The only thing that even comes CLOSE to a soul for me is--" he quickly turned away from the girl beside him, "Well, never mind that," Spike finished, "_I could really lose myself in you, Summers,_" he thought. 

"BUFFY!" a voice cried out. 

Spike looked up to see Dawn and Willow running towards where he and Buffy were sitting. The blonde seemed lost in her own little world. He quickly nudged her. Buffy was shaken out of her thoughts and looked up, following his glance. She smiled warmly when she saw her sister. 

"Dawny..." Buffy whispered. She jumped to her feet and ran to the younger girl, "DAWNY!" she called out, and grabbed the brunette in a tight hug, "I'm sorry, Dawny," Buffy began, tears gently flowing down her cheeks, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you alone," 

"It's ok, Buffy," Dawn replied, unable to hide her own tears, "We found you. You can come back now!" 

Buffy slowly let go of Dawn and went to hug Willow, grateful that they would go through so much to find her. To bring her back. In that moment, she wanted to live again! 

_Join with me..._

The voice Buffy had been hearing had returned. It called to her. It scared her. Darkness was in that voice... but it was a darkness that Buffy had to accept. She knew when she went back into her own body, that voice would still be there. That _presence_ would still be there. Not intrusive, but there nonetheless. It was what she was. 

It was The Slayer. 

*** THE MAGIC BOX 

Giles jumped as Buffy moaned from the couch she was lying on. 

"Buffy..." he began, "Are you here?" 

In the circle on the floor, the still bodies of Dawn, Spike, and Willow began to stir. 

"Bloody hell," Spike began quietly as he buried his head in his hands, "I feel hung over," 

"Like this is a NEW feeling for you," Xander replied. 

"I would kick your ass, bricklayer," Spike replied as he stood up, "But I'm wiped," 

"And your _chipped_, so you can stop with the idle threats," Xander answered. 

Spike scowled at Xander, then returned to nursing his headache... and the pain in his chest that had returned with a vegence. He had forgotten how much stake wounds could hurt. 

"I don't suppose anyone has an asprin," the vampire groaned. 

"Would an asprin work on you?" Anya asked. 

"Don't know if _one_ would," Spike began, "But maybe the whole bloody bottle will," 

"And then maybe you'll overdose and die," Xander replied cheerfully. 

"Overdoses can't kill what's already dead, mate," Spike said with a smirk. Xander looked disappointed. 

"I'm so tired," Dawn said as she stood up. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, finding it very difficult to stay awake. 

"It takes a lot out of you," Tara explained with a smile, "You'll probably all sleep really well tonight," 

"No kidding," Dawn replied, and leaned against Spike for support. He didn't allow her to see him wince at the contact. 

"Where's Buffy?" Willow asked, then blinked, "Woah, dizzy..." Tara quickly put an arm around the unsteady red-head. 

"Buffy is here..." Everyone turned to the voice. Buffy sat up on the couch, and offered a weak smile, "You know, beind dead kinda sucks," then she frowned as she put a hand to her head and squeezed her eyes shut, "Of course, having a migraine sucks even more," 

Numerous hugs and 'welcome backs' were exchanged between Buffy, Dawn, and the rest of the gang as Spike watched alone from the other side of the room.   
  
"_Hmpf_... _not even a bloody 'thank you for helping us bring Buffy back from the dead',_" Spike thought, but then he had been hanging around the humans long enough not to expect anything anyway. 

Finally Buffy decided to head home, inviting the exhausted vampire to follow her as he gingerly carried a sleeping Dawn. 

*** THE SUMMERS' HOUSE 

Buffy stood in the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice as she looked out the window into the night. Buffy could feel her. The Slayer was inside. She was a part of her. Always had been, and always WILL be. Even death couldn't seperate them. 

But at least she had her soul. 

She may not have been the exact same Buffy that had jumped into the portal to save her sister, but she was a stronger Buffy. A braver Buffy. 

And for better or worse, a darker Buffy. 

Buffy finished her juice and left the glass in the sink, vowing to wash it in the morning. She walked into the living room and saw the vampire sleeping on her couch. She stepped softly as she headed to the stairs. 

"Up already, pet?" Spike spoke suddenly. Buffy stopped in her tracks, and turned back to him. He folded his shirt neatly behind him, and set about changing the gauze on his chest. The wound was healing quickly, though that was to be expected with vampires. Buffy wondered if it hurt. 

"Had a few hours sleep so I feel better now. I was going to take another few hours," Buffy looked up at the stairs. She could just walk up and go to her room, no need to explain to Spike why. He was a guest in her house. She made the rules. If she didn't want to talk to him, she didn't have to. 

But... 

Buffy took a deep breath and headed to the couch. Spike sat up and curled his legs under him, giving her room to sit. She looked at him a moment, hesitant, then finally sat down. She didn't know what to say to him. _Thanks for draging me back from limbo? Thanks for helping me realize that I had things to live for? _He probably didn't think his talk had much to do with her decision to return. But it did. Seeing Willow and Dawn only confirmed what he had said. She was needed. And he was right. She would rest when she was old and grey, and had children and grandchildren. 

Buffy studied him. He would never grow old and grey. He would never have children nor grandchildren. He had accepted that. 

Still, Buffy couldn't help but wonder if a nice, normal life was something the human William would have wanted. Now, he would never have the chance. Spike would be alone for eternity... or until another slayer took advantage of the chip in his head and put a stake through his heart -- like the Slayer that was currently locked up in a high-security Los Angeles penitentiary. 

"You're staring," Spike started, then smirked, "See something you like?" 

"Spike..." Buffy warned. He was such an arrogant, egotistical son of a-- "You already know where I stand when it comes to you!" 

"Right then," Spike answered solemnly,"So you're just staring because...?" 

Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she moved towards him and took his face in her hands. She then brought her lips to his, and kissed him full on the mouth. 

After a moment, she pulled back. 

"Because I wanted to thank you," she said, then stood without another word and headed upstairs. 

Spike stared after her and unconsciously put a hand to his lips. 

It was a moment of gratitude. Nothing more. He knew that and accepted it... 

_For now_. 

THE END 


End file.
